Sunday, February 8, 2009

Love is a Choice

Brent was thinking and feeling what thousands of husbands have thought and felt through the years. Unfortunately, Brent had never made the distinction between stage one and stage two of romantic love. In stage one the feelings are euphoric and without effort. In stage two the feelings come only when we speak each others love language. Can Brent's marriage be saved? Yes, if he and his wife will confess past failures and agree to speak love in a language the other person understands.

The "In Love" Experience
The average life-span of being in love is two years. The "in love experience" temporarily meets one‚s emotional need for love. It gives us the feeling that someone cares, that someone admires and appreciates us. Our emotions soar with the thought that another person sees us as number one. For a brief time our emotional need for love is met. However, when we come down off the emotional high, we feel empty, sometimes accompanied with feelings of hurt, disappointment, or anger.

Emotional love must be nurtured. Speaking the primary love language of your spouse is the best way to keep love alive. Love is a choice you make daily. If emotional love is to return, it will require each of you to discover and speak each others primary love language. There are only five basic languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Learn the language of your spouse, speak it regularly, and emotional love will return to your marriage.

"It Doesn't Come Naturally!"
I'm often asked, "What if the love language of your spouse is something that doesn't come naturally for you?" Maybe their love language is physical touch and you're just not a toucher. Or they prefer acts of service, but you don‚t find satisfaction in keeping the house organized. So, what are you to do?

You learn to speak their language. If it doesn't come naturally for you, it's even a greater expression of love. It shows effort and a willingness to learn. This speaks volumes to your spouse. Also, keep in mind that your love language may not come naturally for them. They have to work just as hard to speak your language as you do to speak their language. That's what love is all about. Love is giving. Choosing to speak love in a language that is meaningful to your spouse is a great investment of your time and energy.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit

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